This End Down

The Twitter and Tumblr folks picked up on this already, but I will not be playing Urbana this year–the worship leader already had a bassist, but she was waiting to hear back from him before she told me whether or not she wanted me to come audition. I sort of wish she would’ve told me that up front so I’d feel less silly, but this means I don’t have to worry about making a difficult decision about free time and responsibility versus the desire to play for Urbana.

Thanks for your suggestions, help, and encouragement.

I have to figure out whether or not to audition for the Urbana ‘09 worship team. Here’s what I have so far:

Pros:

• Playing bass in front of 22,000 people
• Playing and worshiping with an amazing set of musicians, writing new music, playing all sorts of different styles
• Not being frustrated if someone ends up playing who I think I could play as well as/better than

Cons:

• $300 plane ticket to audition
• Crazy nerves for audition
• Huge time commitment if I make it–the worship team will play 6-10 gigs together between September 08 and December 09
• Personal struggles with whether or not I really consider myself a performance bassist or whether I just serve where needed–how much of my desire to do this is to serve a need, and how much is because I’m prideful about my abilities? Also, how comfortable will I feel playing in front of that many people? Whoo boy.

Any feelings, ideas, contributions?

The first few days were so full of new things that it was easy to write often. That’s less the case now, as I try to not be overwhelmed by the extensive amount of new information that’s finding its way to my ears. Thankfully, as an Extrovert (yes, InterVarsity and its obsession with Myers-Briggs has sucked me in) I need to process externally, and this is one of the best spots for that. Yesterday, though, I definitely found new information bouncing off my head, with no way to make its way past the jumbled barrier of all the other new information I’ve taken in over this week. Thankfully, note-taking helps me keep the new info for later processing.

• I’m sitting outside of the capitol and there’s a farmers’ market surrounding the entire capitol square. People-watchers, [insert phrase here that means "enjoy yourself." I couldn't remember what the phrase was... the only thing I could think of was "eat your heart out", and somehow that doesn't seem right.]
• I finally gave in and learned all about Myers Briggs, took the formal MBTI test (who knew that the “Center for Application of Psychological Type,” whose brochure we’re using to teach use about MB, is in Gainesville), had some long conversations about it, and took MyType on Facebook. I am, officially, and after some figuring, an ESFP, an Extroverted Sensing Feeling Perceiver. That means a lot of things, but it mainly means that I understand myself a lot more now. I know that seems silly, but part of the process of figuring out my MB type was figuring out that some aspects of my character are that way because of my family, some because of people’s expectations of me, and some because of the way I actually am as a person. It’s nice to start figuring out which are which.
• I evangelize some non-Christ things like crazy. It’s never on purpose, but the list keeps growing. This week they’ve been: Books of the Bible presentation (from whom I just got an e-mail regarding their future plans… exciting…), Moleskine, and Mac. We’re actually thinking about starting a MUG (which I never heard of before this week) for InterVarsity staff who use Macs, because there’s so little organizational support for Macs and such a growing number of us who use them.
• There was a dance party last night. I seldom enjoy dancing–not that I have a problem with it, but that I’m uncomfortable doing something when I feel like everyone else is better than me (and I know that’s not rational, but I can’t really control that feeling)–but this particular party happened to have a Wii party across the hall from it, which was a very nice alternative. So, I played Smash Brothers and Rayman Raving Rabbids while the more self-assured staff danced their faces off.
• I’ve never been as encouraged about staff, fundraising, or the particular things I’m involved in on campus. I’m encouraged about the ISM (International Student Ministry) some of my students want to start, I’m encouraged about BCM (the Black Collegiate Ministry) in the Southeast, I’m encouraged about our Nurses’ Christian Fellowship, I’m encouraged about fundraising and my call to staff and InterVarsity as a movement. This is good.
• Mario and Princess Peach just walked by me. There is some sort of treasure hunt/scavenger hunt/something going one, and we’ve been seeing pairs of people run by in matching clothing with marathon-like numbers on their chests and bags on their backs. Most are dressed like runners, some are dressed like middle-aged people trying to dress like runners, and those two were dressed like Mario and Princess Peach.
• Did I mention that Madison is gorgeous? Madison is gorgeous.
• That’s it for now. I’m going to get my butt off of my computer for some of my Sabbath and see what sort of reflections are in store for me.
• I just had some confirmation that I’m an extrovert. Dave, my roommate, left the Starbucks I’m sitting at about 10 minutes ago, and I’m already craving human interaction. Yep.

I have a lot less thoughts today.

• Let’s update: I’m definitely more introverted than I realized. I don’t know if I’m introverted, or just shy and afraid of situations I’m not comfortable in. Loud bar with lots of people I don’t know hugely well and a few close friends? I would probably enjoy it if i were there, but the prospect of walking 10 minutes away to get there didn’t sound appealing. As I think about it, I think I may have just talked myself out of it… because it would have been fun. It was a combination of the distance, the severe shortage of people I know well (people I know well being Dave, my roommate, and maybe Joyce, my friend from pre-staff days), the earliness of my waking up tomorrow (about 7.5 hours from right now), and my dislike for loud, crowded bars. I don’t really know how I feel about this. Would I like it? I should figure this out. I’m glad I have plenty more evenings to figure this out.
• The fund development talks today were a complete and pleasant surprise. They had nothing to do with phone scripts or FDTools or excel spreadsheets or time management. Rather, we talked about Biblical foundations for FD, our own personal motivations and setbacks, family expectations, the difficulties of FD; we had a panel of donors saying why they give and what their motivations and experiences as donors have been; we learned about fund development as storytelling; we learned about the traits that make up for good fund development, and drew comparisons between fund development and being a staffworker; and we got the vison shown for us of fund development not as a necessary evil that prefaces our calling, but rather an integral part of our calling that teaches us about faith, trust, and breaking out of self-dependence and pride. I am in awe.
• “We are the image of the invisible,” the song lyric from Thrice, has been periodically stuck in my head over the last 6 months.
• Did I mention Madison was beautiful?
• Did I mention how much I love being around so many people who understand this aspect of my life?
• I like people’s stories. I love how every story is so much different. I’m copying the words of a friend of mine, but I do love how every story–every relationship, every coming to Christ, every calling to ministry, every everything–is unique and beautiful.
• I have some huge self-esteem issues that I’m in the process of overcoming, and have been since about my freshman year of high school. We’ll see how that works out. There’s a young lady in my life who’s helping with it. I appreciate her for that.
• This time around with said young lady I’ve found myself a lot less sensitive to feeling dorky for expressing romantic interest with her. I think I know it’s appropriate, well-timed, and a lot more mature. I have a bright pink note stuck to my laptop expressing her love for me and anyone within a few tables of me can see it, and I have nothing but pride.
• I am learning more and more that God doesn’t call us to be successful, but to be faithful. How true this is on so many areas of our lives… among which are fundraising, developing students’ relationships with God and leadership gifts, and building and supporting a chapter. That’s freedom. My chapter doesn’t reflect my ability. My students’ willingness to lead, respond, pray, etc. does not reflect my own personal worth. That’s good.
• Yep. That’s all. Sorry again this is so disjointed. I’m going to sleep.

Sorry, but I’m trying to be quick, so they’ll be bullets.

• Madison is gorgeous. My window faces the state capitol (which I learned was the biggest state capitol building in America), and a few blocks down the street there’s a huge… patio?… overlooking a gorgeous lake. The city has been taken care of, as it’s both a capitol and a college town. It’s gorgeous.
• The Midwest, although having nicer temperatures in the summer, has the unnatural creature that is the mosquito. Florida, I love you.
• It’s really unnerving (in a very good way) to be meeting so many people in the same state of life as me. We all have to fundraise, we’re all new staff, we’re all trying to prove ourselves and not quite sure what we’re doing.
• I may be more of an introvert than I think. A friend (who I’m hopefully on the way toward making a closer friend) invited me out on the town for his birthday tonight, and I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. I’d love to go out with him–make new friends, relax, and most importantly celebrate his birthday with him. But I couldn’t. I need to relax, sit alone, journal my thoughts, read a little… It’s a very necessary part of my day. Who knows. I’m getting my Myers-Briggs test results back on Friday, so we’ll know a little better then. My roommate has me pegged as an ENFP; let’s see if he’s right.
• I like actually missing people. I’ve told people I’ve missed them before out of an obligation (like I would feel like a bad friend/boyfriend if I didn’t.) That sucks. I’m glad that’s over: I miss Tereva. I miss my friends. I miss the Long family. I miss my family. I like that. I hate missing them, but I love caring enough about them enough to actually mourn their absence.
• InterVarsity has a wonderful leadership and leadership structure. Alec Hill, the president, sat down to dinner with my table tonight, and I actually feel like he wanted to know about me and my life. My previous interactions with him have shown him humble, personable, and considerate. The leadership in general reflects humility and grace. I like it a lot.
• One of the announcements they made at the beginning of ONS was about the Entry Posture Diagram, a diagram we use to describe our attitudes (good or bad) when encountering a new culture. They asked that we be open, unjudgmental, and a lot of other great adjectives that are far enough across the room that I’m not going to go get the sheet and type it here. I really appreciated them pointing out that the things we learn this week will be old hat for some of us and brand new for some of us, and that they’re doing their best to meet everyone well. They asked that we keep that in consideration, and if anything’s old hat that we help others out. I needed to hear that. I know frustration will be a temptation, as ONS is focused around A) Fund Development and B) Multiethnicity, both things I’m at least moderately experienced in. I want to fight the temptation to get all haughty about my own experience.
• Christopher Adam has decided to move on with their lives and continue as a band. As much as I enjoyed and loved being a part of the band, and regret the parting of our ways, I’m desperately happy for them not being held back by my decision to stay in Gainesville. I’ve felt some guilt over my decision to stay in Gainesville, but I’ve known it’s right; so the email from Adam regarding their decision (Adam, please email me again if I shouldn’t be writing this here) was at the same time sad and hopeful. I wish them the best, and I hope to be as involved as possible in their future.
• That may be all. I’m sure there will be more later… possibly even later tonight. We’ll see. I look forward

• Reach 85% fundraised
• Send out June-July prayer letter
• Find a place to meet for the pre-fall leadership retreat
• Finalize SG leader pairings for 08-09 school year